Image: redlandcitygirl Beginnings. They’re a good time to set goals. When you bring a child into the world, you think of how you want to raise him or her, how you want to provide the best life possible for the new addition to your family. When you start a new job, you ponder what you want to accomplish there and how you want to make a difference. As a new year approaches, it’s a wonderful time to reflect on successes and mistakes during the past year. But, more importantly, it’s a time to look ahead and contemplate how you want to make the new year better, or what you want to do differently. I don’t like New Year’s resolutions, but I am a big proponent of setting goals. Back in my junior high school days, in a P.E. class of all things, a guest speaker told us the importance of making goals. I remember writing a list of them then, some short-term, some long. And I’m happy to report I’ve reached some of them, including running a marathon and writing a book. Some I haven’t accomplished yet, such as visiting the Holy Lands, but I still intend to. The thing that made those goals stick, as writer Joe Pulizzi reported, was writing them down. Something about that act makes them more real. The ink on the paper (or type on the computer) makes them authentic, and they take on a life of their own. With that in mind, I wrote down some goals for 2018, in different categories. Some are more personal than others, so this is not an exhaustive list. But something about sharing them makes them carry more weight. It makes me accountable. Here are some things I’d like to accomplish in 2018, in no particular order:
Working in the corporate world, I know the importance of associating some sort of metric with each goal, to indicate if I’ve truly achieved it or not. So it’s good to have deadlines when applicable. For example, how will I know if I’ve reached my goal of being more intentional? What does that look like? I believe that one will be measured by accomplishments at the end of each day, week, and month. I’ll know I was more intentional if I procrastinated less and achieved more. How about you? What do you want to accomplish in 2018?
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Photo: Daniel Foster Powerful words come in threes: I love you. I was wrong. Way to go! Yesterday, a stranger added to that collection when she told me, “We appreciate you.” She and her boyfriend had just bought some things from my yard sale, and we had spent a little bit of time chatting. Her parting words stuck with me the remainder of the day. Can you really appreciate someone you hardly know? I contemplated that at length and realized yes, indeed you can. We appreciate the restaurant servers who bring us our food. We appreciate the grocery clerks who help us find items we’re searching for. We appreciate the drivers who give us space to change lanes in front of them. Despite that, I don’t think I’ve ever told one of those people, “I appreciate you,” although I have shared those words with people I know. It seems like such a personal statement — especially to me, a person whose love language is words of affirmation. I like my words to be genuine. After all, our words are powerful. Maybe I should start saying that phrase more. It does feel good to be appreciated. Can I in good conscience tell someone I don’t know very well I appreciate them? Merriam-Webster’s dictionary defines appreciation as an “expression of gratification and approval, of gratitude.” In light of that, I think I can, but I have to caution against overdoing it and the words becoming meaningless. The next time you appreciate someone, will you tell them? The world needs more attitudes of gratitude. I’m thankful for that stranger yesterday who made my day. Now it’s my turn to pass it on. Photo: jbernstein899 I had the privilege of being in the same room as a number of veterans who fought in various wars in our country’s history. In observation of Veterans Day, they had assembled at the Commemorative Air Force for the annual Gathering of the Legends event to honor them and the sacrifices they made. The main speaker at the event this year was not a veteran and had no military background. As he started his portion of the program, he made a point to say he didn’t have anything to say to the men and women in attendance. But rather, the men and women being honored should have been speaking to him. You see, this speaker, John Mollison, knows that those who served in our Armed Forces have much to say. As the face of a TV show titled “Old Guys and Their Airplanes,” he’s made it his life ambition to interview veterans and draw the airplanes they flew. Why? Because as he said to the Veterans Day audience, “Your stories and examples are powerful.” Indeed, they are. Mollison shared clips of interviews he’s done that included some fascinating stories, like the one of the serviceman who narrowly escaped major injury when his plane was destroyed in a formation landing accident. A propeller from another plane tore right through his plane and cut off his parachute straps. Yet he walked away. Interestingly enough, these men and women didn’t set out to create stories. They were just doing their jobs, doing what they were told to do. And out of that came accounts of their experiences. Those who didn’t face what our veterans did enjoy hearing the tales. It makes us feel closer to the occurrences and helps us understand what life must have been like during those times. You and I may not have served in the military. Maybe you did. If so, thank you. I appreciate the freedoms I have today because of your sacrifice. Regardless of our backgrounds and personal history, each of us has powerful stories and examples that need to be shared and can benefit others. One foot in front of the other. Head down. Keep walking. Breathe. I found myself trudging along a beaten trail in the desert, trying to keep up with the other hikers in the group but feeling a bit lightheaded. My sinus infection couldn’t keep me from getting out for this unique opportunity to hike at sunset and watch the moon rise a half hour later. It was important to watch where I stepped to avoid loose sand and rocks and to keep me from plunging into a cactus. I needed a firm foundation to go from step to step. Yet, in concentrating on my footing, I easily lost sight of the beautiful scenery around me: the browns, grays, greens and yellows of the desert landscape, the sun stretching toward the horizon, the sprawling city in the not-so-far distance. Fortunately, our tour guide stopped occasionally to let all of the hikers catch up. And in those moments, I took in my environs, thankful I was well enough to experience them, grateful for the fresh air, and pleased at the sound of the chirping birds. That night, I walked away with more than a wonderful memory. I left with a reminder of a crucial life lesson: In all of the busyness we experience every day, it’s important to stop and survey our surroundings, to look back on where we came from and to gaze ahead to our destination. That makes it easier to enjoy the journey. Photo: WH Kubik I was busy packing food and other items for a family camping trip on a hot summer day when my phone rang. Figuring the call was about my biopsy results, I took it in my home office to keep my kids from overhearing. The doctor’s office manager — who had never called before — said the results of my recent breast biopsy were “consistent with cancer.” I took a deep breath and looked out the sunny window into my grassy backyard. She went on to say something about invasive ductal carcinoma, that it was high grade and very aggressive, and I should meet with a surgeon as soon as possible. I calmly said, “Okay,” scribbled the name and number of a surgeon she recommended, thanked her, and hung up. My thoughts swam. Does “consistent with cancer” mean I do, indeed, have cancer? How much time do I have left? What about my family? Should we still go camping? Not letting the reality of my diagnosis sink in, I called my husband at work and coolly told him about the phone call. Bob had myriad questions, which I couldn’t answer in my dazed state. He said he would come home. I collected my nerves and placed a call to my mom to inform her of this latest development. “Oh, this is horrible,” she said. My voice cracked, and tears spilled. I apologized. “You’re sorry? I’m sorry for you.” “I’m sorry for telling you at work.” But there’s no good time to share that kind of news. Excerpt from my book about my breast cancer journey, Help! I’m a Science Project, available on Amazon, Kindle and CreateSpace. Photo: Pia M. — Vittoria S. Have you ever noticed how the way you perceive a situation makes it reality to you? Right or wrong, that’s just the way it is. And it’s true for everyone. But what if your perception is inaccurate? Does that mean your reality is inaccurate too? And if so, how can you fix that? I experienced a false reality recently when my mind played tricks on me. Because I expected a certain situation to be something it wasn’t, I convinced myself through little “clues” that my expectation was reality — nearly to the detriment of others. Fixing that false reality involved long, uncomfortable conversations and feelings of uneasiness. I had to deal with the root of the problem in order to face it and get beyond it. Then I had to retrain my mind to see situations for what they truly were, instead of what my storybook mind wanted to create them to be. Was it an easy process? Absolutely not. But I’m better for it. And those around me are better for it too. How about you? What false reality have you gripped onto that you need to step back, assess, face, and retrain your mind about? Although unpleasant, it’s worth the process, because the best reality is accurate reality. Photo: Christina Ferrada Too often in life, we’re so focused on getting from point A to point B that we neglect to appreciate what happens along the way. But what if we took time to enjoy the process? Processes aren’t always fun. And certainly some people respect them more than others do. Processes can be trying and discouraging. However, if we allow ourselves to look around at our circumstances while enduring the zigzags that take us to our destination (let’s be real, it’s hardly ever a straight line), we might find gems along the way — and create some memories too. When I went through breast cancer treatments, I simply wanted to get from point A to point B and hurry the process along. But I couldn’t. The remedy to my cancer required various treatments at different times in an orderly fashion to get me to where I am today. This process took a full two years, and I couldn’t rush it, no matter how hard I tried. So instead, I had to learn to find the good in the somewhat devastating, definitely trying, times. And you know what? I gained a greater appreciation for my loved ones. I realized the respite out-of-town adventures can bring. I began to take advantage of the opportunities I had to experience life to its fullest. Ultimately, I learned that life is a gift, and it’s important to enjoy the journey. I may never get another opportunity like I have today. So I need to appreciate it and not take it for granted. You can read about my breast cancer journey in my recently released book, “Help! I’m a Science Project,” available at CreateSpace and Amazon. And in honor of Breast Cancer Awareness Month, $1 from each book sale through Oct. 26 will be donated to Team Long Live the Girls in its effort to raise funds for breast cancer research through the American Cancer Society’s Making Strides Against Breast Cancer event. You might also like:
Today Is a Celebration Attitude of Gratitude Your Disappointments Could Help Other Society today places a lot of emphasis on individual happiness. We can watch what we want, when we want, on Netflix, Amazon Prime, Hulu, YouTube, and other channels. We can access companies through the device of our choice from anywhere, at any time. We can order anything from pizza and groceries to a new vehicle online in a matter of minutes. But are we truly happy? It may sound harsh, but I don’t wish for you to be happy. I wish the best for you. Did you know there’s a difference? To have what’s best for us requires us to go through difficult times, times when we’re not happy, times when we don’t get what we want right when we want it. Those trying times of delayed gratification cause us to grow in character and maturity as we navigate the challenges. By enduring them, we learn what we’re capable of. But more than that, we learn to appreciate the end result because of what it took to reach it. If we didn’t go through difficult times and were just happy all the time, we would take our lives for granted. And we wouldn’t grow. My husband and I have been married more than 26 years now. And just as is true in every marriage, it hasn’t been all easy or happy. There were times we weren’t sure we’d make it as a couple. But we kept at it, true to our commitments to each other. And you know what? Our relationship today is stronger and sweeter as a result. The next time you find yourself in a trying time and your happiness far from you, remember it’s for your good. You’ll come out stronger if you don’t give up. And you’ll be able to look back later, more appreciative of your current state because of what you endured to get there. We weren’t meant to be happy all the time. Anything worth having takes time and hard work to get. The hair on the back of my neck stood at attention when I heard someone label one of my loved ones. How dare she say that! And then I had to swallow my pride and force that hair to lie down as I thought about the number of times I’ve been guilty of labeling others. Ouch! Nobody wants to be labeled. Items in a grocery store get labels. They tell us what’s in a package — down to the calories, serving size, protein, carbohydrates, fat, ingredients, etc. And they’re usually accurate about each item. Unfortunately, when we label others, the monikers we assign are typically inaccurate. Why? Because a person is much more multifaceted than that one label we give him or her. Plus, our labels don’t allow people to change. We hope the labeled grocery store items don’t change — and we don’t want them to. But people are more adaptable and complex than that. People can — and do — change. If we didn’t change, there would be no reason for us to grow from an infant to a toddler to a grade-schooler to a middle-schooler to a high-schooler to a college student or employee to an adult, worker, parent, and so on. We obviously change physically, and we’re just as capable of changing emotionally, mentally, and spiritually. Numerous people have been told they would never walk again following an accident or a medical condition. And plenty of those people chose not to accept what their doctors said and proved otherwise. One completed his sixth Boston Marathon this year. He was only able to do that because he refused to accept the label of “cripple” or “handicapped.” If Nicky Cruz hadn’t changed and kept his gangster label, he’d likely be in prison or dead today. Instead, he works to give other so-called gangsters hope and a way out of that lifestyle. Myriad other examples of changed lives abound. How about instead of putting labels on people, we see what they’re going through as a phase and give them a chance? Isn’t that what you’d want? Psst! No one can do what you can. Sounds kind of cliché, right? And in many senses, it may be. But the reality is there is no one else exactly like you who will be in the exact places you’ll be at the exact times you’ll be there. And you are destined for greatness. “Not everyone is great,” you may be thinking. And I can see where you’re coming from. What one person considers great may seem foolish to another. Regardless, you were destined to be a great influence in someone’s life. It’s true. Maybe you’ll see someone on the side of the road in need of help and stop to assist. You won’t become famous for that, but the person you help will think you’re pretty great. Perhaps you’ll encounter a person down on his or her luck who just needs a listening ear. Have you ever just wanted to be heard? Oftentimes, saying our thoughts out loud helps us make more sense of them — even if the other person doesn’t say anything in return. Maybe you’ll accompany a friend to her first cancer treatment to help put her mind at ease. It doesn’t take much to be great. But what a difference it can make. That person on the side of the road may be headed to the hospital to visit his wife and newborn child. The help and hope you gave will be passed on to that new life. The person who just wanted to be heard might go on to become a counselor and help others through their trials — all because you took the time to listen. The cancer survivor could start a support group to help other cancer patients through their treatments because of the difference you made in her life. You never know the effect sharing a little of your time will have. And you may not see the results. The reality is none of the people you help will likely become famous, and that’s OK. Everyone needs help from time to time. Giving of yourself can be a better reward than fame. |
Lana GatesChristian, wife, mother of 5, breast cancer survivor, marathon finisher, writer and editor, author of "Help! I'm a Science Project" Archives
November 2018
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