The key to project success: A designated leader

Since we’ve been living in close quarters for the past six years and fixing issues as they arise, you might think we’re great at doing projects together. Oftentimes, that’s true. But there have been plenty of times to the contrary.

Bob and I both like a good project. Since transitioning to full-time RVing, we’ve helped others paint, renovate a bathroom, replace ceramic tiles with laminate flooring, and more — and enjoyed each experience. But when it comes to our own projects, let’s just say they’re not always enjoyable.

Each of us holds expertise in different areas and, for that reason, we each like to lead. Add to that the fact that we both have our Project Management Professional (PMP) certifications, and you have a recipe for potential disaster. 

After nearly 35 years of marriage, however, we think we finally figured out the key to doing projects together successfully: having a designated project leader. 

One chief too many

When each of us is fighting to lead a project, it produces contention. One of us wants to do things a certain way, and the other wants to do them a different way. Both ways may work just fine and bring about the same results, but not agreeing on the method results in conflicting views, frustration, irritation, and arguments.

Connecting the truck to the trailer is one example. Bob sits in the driver’s seat of Gulliver to steer him into place under the fifth-wheel kingpin while I stand on the driver’s side of the rig at the leveling controls to help align the height of the kingpin with the truck hitch. ​

I think Bob should back up a certain way, and he thinks he should do it a different way. Fortunately, he can’t see or hear me talking to him behind the open door to the leveling controls. I don’t think he’d like what I have to say in that case. 

Our PMP training taught us that a project leader needs to be a servant leader. Many times when we work on projects together, we forget that mindset. Neither of us tries to serve the other because we’re too busy trying to lead and get our point across.

Project leader vs. apprentice 

It finally dawned on us that we need to identify who’s going to lead a project from the start. The leader doesn’t always have to be the same person for every project, but there needs to be a specified manager and subordinate, or apprentice, much like the relationship and hierarchy between an executive chef and a sous chef. 

The apprentice isn’t precluded from sharing their opinions and thoughts, and the leader doesn’t dictate. Otherwise, we just have a different form of conflict. We can enjoy working together on a peaceful project when the designated apprentice feels free to make suggestions, knowing that the leader has the responsibility to make the final decision and face any consequences from it.

A successful project example

We tested this approach on a recent project to add sunscreens to our RV to protect it from the intense Arizona sun and heat, identifying Bob as the leader. Having a designated project leader immediately put us both at ease. 

As the apprentice, I felt free to share my thoughts and opinions but knew that Bob ultimately had the final say. Some of my suggestions he took. Others he didn’t. But overall, we were calmer, had positive attitudes, and worked well together. And we got the job done — and felt good about the experience.

Sometimes we forget that we’re on the same team. There’s no need to fight each other. We’re both striving for the same result. We need to empower one of us to lead while the other supports that person, knowing they have to make the final decisions. When we do, it’s easier to enjoy the project journey. And we get better results.

You might also like How a flat tire helped us work together. ​